Donuts & Holes

As I was showering this morning, deciphering out of idle curiosity the impenetrable label on Dr. Bronner's Almond Castile soap, I realized that for some time, beginning somewhere around the origins of Political Correctness and the overwhelming Liberal contention that nothing is anybody's fault, except that liability is infinite; the rise of the Litigation Lottery, and that the Government is ultimately responsible for everyone's welfare; that products ceased proclaiming their virtues in terms of what they contained (Wonderbread builds strong bodies eight [later twelve as new vitamins were discovered to have been present in everything anyway] ways) to proclaiming their virtues in terms of what they did NOT contain: cruelty free, Fair Trade; No PCBA; Non GMSO; No Animal Testing; Hypo Allergenic; Cholesterol Free; Fat Free; Salt Free; Gluten Free; contains only 150 calories. Or, plastered with warnings about what they might contain, or informing a minuscule percentage of the population that the product may harm them or others. The warning to people who may be allergic to peanuts (processed in a factory that also processes peanuts), or tree nuts; the warning that the item is made up of small parts that could be swallowed; that this bag is not a toy and may cause suffocation in infants; that the cup of hot coffee that you just bought from the fast food chain may actually be hot. No artificial ingredients. No saccharin. Contains no alcohol. The tobacco warning. Everything in terms of the negative, of what it isn't or won't do, and/or why and how it could do you harm. Sunflower seeds warn you to take them out of the shells before eating them. Sandpaper has printed on it the adjuration to wear eye, face and body protection while using it. Knives warn you that they are sharp. Whetstones warn that sharpening a blade can be extremely dangerous. My stepladder has stuck to it no less than 32 distinct warnings on how misuse of a ladder can cause death or serious injury. Every building in California has above its portals posted the dire alarm: "Warning, this joint contains stuff that the State of California considers to be cancer causing." Every single place from grocery stores to gas stations. Sex is extremely dangerous. Life leads to death. People are presumed to have no common sense. We have become, somehow, a nation that looks not upon the donut, but upon the hole.

There is no joy. Life is a snare and a pitfall. We yearn not for salvation, but solely to avoid damnation.

December 12, 2002


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Donuts & Holes

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