April 8, 1994
Eating alone is entirely different from eating with others. Food loses its savor. You feel like a dog, facing the corner, licking a dish. You feel like you should not have any hands. Even eating in a restaurant, sitting by yourself at a table, does not convey the necessary spirit. To some extent it is even worse.
You're surrounded by people, but you are still alone. The waiter and cook care about you, but they care about you because that's what they do for a living. They do not feed you out of love or friendship or because they are relations. A restaurant emphasizes the loneliness, though it enforces the veneer of manners and civility.
If you're going to eat alone it's better to eat without other people around. Food becomes fuel for the machine. Without food you will not be able to work, so you eat. You don't want any tastes, because taste is a sensation and sensations are dangerous. I stand over the sink and eat out of the pan. Just get it over with. Or I read, getting food on the book. A book is a good companion.
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