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(#111) THIRTEEN:

Chez Panisse thirteenth anniversary. Edition of 1911 of which 300 are signed 1-300, 26 are signed A-Z as artist's proofs, and three sets are signed as progressives.

August 11, 1984 11 colors 18" x 24"

Model: Courtney Leigh Murphree

Client: Alice Waters, Chez Panisse Café & Restaurant, 1517 Shattuck Avenue, Berkeley CA 94709. Telephone (510) 548-5525 A-Z: artist's own use. Progressives: one set to Alice Waters

You spend a lot of time building a high stone wall around your inner hidden self and you invest a lot of energy in preserving yourself safe from the hurt that only other people can give you. But the problem is that the wall that keeps them out also keeps you in. So you can look up at the sky and see the birds flying overhead, and you can see the sun during the day and the moon and stars at night, and clouds and rain. Sometimes a rainbow but you can't see where the pot of gold might be.

The sky changes color in the morning and in the evening but you never see a sunset and you never see a sunrise. The colors of the light are different in the early morning and in the evening. Bluer in the morning and redder at night. Cooler in the morning and warmer at night, generally speaking. You can climb up the wall and peep over but that means that somebody might see you and know you live in there and one of them might put a ladder up and climb in and that's pretty scary. So you don't.

It's lonely inside the stonewall garden. Do you want out? Getting out means breaking down the wall or building a door in the wall or putting a ladder against the wall and climbing up and looking out and making sure there's a ladder outside so you can get back in fast in case of an emergency. Nobody can storm the fortress that is your inner self because you can build higher and faster than anyone could possibly climb and you can build thicker and stronger than anyone could possibly tear down.

So what happens is that you're watering the castle garden and a bird flies in and sits in the tree and starts to sing. A bird flies in and out of the water as you water the roses and you can't say anything because it might frighten the bird. And even though you haven't torn down the wall and even though you haven't even built a door or put up a ladder still there's a bird in your heart now and you like it and hope it will stay. And it will.